Bridal shower etiquette
Many different customs have developed in different regions and social groups. But the basic format has been relatively unchanged for generations, and emphasizes traditional gender roles. Sociologists like Beth Montemurro note that the ritual of the bridal shower “socializes women into the hyper-feminized traditional wife role,” with its emphasis on the future role of the bride-to-be as family cook, homemaker, and sexual partner. But this role is more of a homage to the mothers and grandmothers than a reflection of how the bride-to-be will actually behave in the marriage.
Although the format has remained relatively consistent, there have been some significant changes. An etiquette guide from the 1920s suggested showers should be “purely spontaneous and informal,” with guests arriving unannounced at the bride-to-be’s home, while a planning guide from the 1950s suggests more complex themes and games.
Traditionally, hosting the bridal shower falls on the maid of honor. Because gifts are required of those who attend the shower, some communities consider it rude for a relative of the bride to host it, but relative-hosted showers are a common and accepted occurrence in other communities. The shower normally takes place four to six weeks before the wedding.
Due to the prior history of showers being “purely spontaneous and informal”, showers have not developed the same formal etiquette that has developed with respect to weddings. It is not customary for guests to receive formal invitations in the same manner as they would for a wedding.
The number of guests and their relationship to the bride varies widely. In Canada among some immigrant communities parties in community halls with upwards of 300 guests were normal, while other cultures emphasized intimate parties with only close friends and relatives